Impatience Can Cause Stress
Written by Rev. Mother ASSUMPTA NWULU, DMMM Monday, 15 August 2011 17:14
Rev. Mother Assumpta Nwulu, set up the Catholic Counseling and Education Centre 25 years ago in Benin City.As the Co-ordinator of the centre, she participates directly in finding solutions to mental health problems. She spoke to NATH OMAME, Jr. on the difference between stress and depression; stress and anxiety; the origin of stress in matrimonial homes and how stress can be managed through Cognitive Re-structuring.
I am curious about the name of your institution: Catholic Counseling and Educational Centre. What exactly do you do here?
Our centre is essentially involved in the early detection and prevention of mental break- down. We equally do psychological assessment.
What do you mean by psychological assessment?
We assist in the psychological assessment of our intending Priests and Nuns which was not considered imperative in the past. Some cases of instability in Priests and Nuns informed us that there was need to adequately screen the candidates that are admitted because the religious profession is not a calling for everybody.
The religious profession is not like a marriage that you can decide to work out of it if it does not work out well for you. The religious community needs people who are very stable. We find ourselves complementing the roles of teachers in the seminaries and religious communities in screening their candidates.
How do you screen these candidates?
Each community have its specified qualifications for new intakes, however, all that glitters is not gold. You need to examine the mental, emotional and psychological health of the people you are admitting. Some candidates may come from families with inherent psychological sicknesses. Ordinary interviews would not reveal such abnormalities.
What would you say is responsible for some cases of mental instability that you have noticed in some of the candidates you screened?
It depends on the individual: mental break-down can be triggered by a variety of causes. Let me start with that of the youths. A lot of our youths have unattained dreams because they are stretching their hands to where their hands cannot reach.
Some students are dreaming of becoming millionaires when they have not even passed their first year exams in the university. So, part of what we do here has to do with cognitive restructuring.
What is cognitive restructuring?
Making someone to be honest; making someone to see where his or her dream lies; and making someone to know where his or her potentials are as well as tutoring them on how to attain their aims.
A student who is not yet in his final year is already dreaming of the brand of car he wants to ride. A student is so ambitious he joins 419ers and begins to cut corners to make illegitimate income. We correct these anomalies through cognitive restructuring.
We give them feedback through psychological assessment pointing out what their problem is; the cause of their unrealized high aims which they have not even planned for.
Most times, their aims are actually beyond their capabilities. However, if such a person settles down and sees the realities of life, focuses well in what he has at hand, step by step, he or she will achieve what his or her aspirations are. Young people need direction.
Does stress have any role to play in emotional depression, emotional disconnection or mental break-down?
Oh yes, of course!
So, what, indeed, stress?
Stress is fear: disturbances that are connected with unfounded realities or lack of equilibrium either in your state of life or in your workplace or what you plan to do. Stress manifest when you have intervening variables in what you are planning for.Stress is bound to manifest when you overload yourself and it can come from various angles: it can be emotional; it can be physical; it can be cognitive; it can be psychological and it can be behaviourally because what we see is behavioural stress which people more often act out.
We don't see what is going on inside them. It's the outward behaviour that indicates to us that somebody is going through stress. It's our duty as counselors to put stress victims through psychological assessment by educating and assisting them in identifying what is really impinging on their emotional stability.
Is there any difference between stress and depression?
Stress can be momentary: that is triggered off on the spur of the moment. You can't cope well when you have stress. Depression occurs when you have stress and continue to load it with stressful conditions. Depression can make you withdrawn and get less interested in activities that use to interest you in the past. Depression can make one to become a loner. Depression can lead to self-reservation.
As counselors once we notice such behaviourial changes, then, we ask questions: what is going on? What can one do to help? You are behaving differently, what is wrong? If they open up and tell you what their body is going through, then, you can trace the cause and consequences of their depressive state
Depression is deeper than stress and more debilitating. Depression saps your energy because you would no longer have the zeal to do the things you use to do. Depression can be very demoralizing because you will no longer be interested in life.
Is there any difference between stress and anxiety?
That is a very poignant question. Anxiety is anticipated fear. Anxiety is a state of panic, while stress is built up and even bottled within the system. A man goes to work and comes back late every working day because of bad roads and the consequential traffic gridlock. On getting home, his wife confronts him with a barrage of angry and sarcastic questions, accusing him of having picked up an outlandish habit of always frolicking after the close of work. In such a situation, the stress will continue to build up in the man.
Can our personal attitudes or behaviourial pattern contribute to stressful conditions in our lives?
Of course, yes! There are some people who want quick answers to their questions. Their approach to anything is predicated on a quick-fix. I am referring to people who are impatient in nature. Such an impatient person would get very crossed with me for not completing a task as quickly as he or she would expect me to without bothering to find out what could possibly have impeded or impinged on my ability to complete the task as required by him or her.
By being so impatient, he will definitely be working up himself and stress will ultimately set in. Impatient behaviour can trigger stress.
So, how can stress be managed?
Stress can be managed through stress inoculation which can be done through a cognitive process. For instance, victims of polio are inoculated; victims of measles are inoculated; so, those going through stress are advised to inoculate themselves through self-talk. They should talk to themselves and revive their spirit.
Self-Talk can be useful when you suddenly realise that you are in such a hurry to get something done or catch up with something. Then, you caution yourself “oh while the rush?” “I think I should slow down and take it easy”.
You are being severely provoked and you are so angry you feel like exploding. Recline inwards and talk to yourself: 'relax, yes, just relax, all the fuss will glide pass shortly'. So, be calm! Self-Talk is a way of inoculating yourself against stress.
Can unstable relationship at home contribute to stress?
Aaa aah! Unstable relationship between spouses at homes is the primary cause of stress. An unstable relationship at home could come from suspicion, even when nothing is actually amiss. Suspicion by either spouse could degenerate in the course of time.
The wife jabs the husband anytime he comes home late of having gone to frolic with another woman. Or the man gives his wife less than what he usually gives her for domestic upkeep and the woman begins to suspect her husband his beginning to spend money on another woman.
In such a situation, stress will begin to set in from the inside because both husband and wife have already declared before God during their marriage that both of them will be together for better for worse; to cherish and to hold. Stress is bound to set in when the cherishing and holding is no longer evident in the marriage.
The wife may no longer be keen on preparing her husbands meals anymore. She assumes her husband must be eating out since he comes home late. And since his wife has stopped preparing his meals, the husband accuses the wife of not caring for him. This ugly situation if not carefully handled will provoke a spate of counter accusations. In no distant future, their collective interest in the marriage will diminish and stress will set in. And this can eventually lead to depression.
I presume you are also involved in educational counseling?
Oh well, yes, but marriage counseling, primarily!
So, what can lead to stress in an educational environment?
Haaaa…that will take a whole chapter!
In a nutshell, so to speak?
Ok, take a girl who studies hard and she is very intelligent, but refuses to submit to the sexual advances of her lecturer. She has resolved not to trade her body for the marks her lecturer wants to offer, and to punish her, the lecturer deliberately fails her even though she passes the written examination on merit.
As I speak, I have about five or six of them that I am currently counseling. One has repeated the same class or level twice in two years. Another girl had her result seized. She passed the course quite alright, but her lecturer failed her.
Another young lady is currently working without a certificate two years after her graduation. Though, she repeated a particular course because she refused to sleep with the lecturer, the lecturer was so mean he failed her the second time. The lecturer boldly told her that since she wants to prove that she is different from the other girls he has cowed to sleep with him for cheap marks, then she will not graduate with a certificate. She then decided to pick up a meagre job after graduation since she has no certificate to show for her academic pursuits.
It's only now that some concerned persons are trying to resolve the issue with the lecturer so that the unfortunate young lady can go back and retake the examination for that particular course. Is her condition not stressful enough?
Some of my staff here go to the university on part-time basis. If you want an 'A', there is a particular fee you pay; if you want 'B', there is also a fee for that, and so on. What of those who are brainy and are prepared to study to attain good grades but don't have money to pay? Why would someone not be in a stressful condition?
In our corporate world, target margins have become a prerequisite for job retention and promotion. Can this trend of corporate responsibility contribute to stress at the workplace?
Let me give you an example with a fact. Few weeks ago, a lady came here and requested for assistance for her son, a fresh graduate, who had just secured a job with a bank. She implored me to go to other parishes and ask them to support the son by opening accounts with the said bank. In other words, she wants the mission to patronize the bank so that her son can remain as an employee of the bank.
The bank in question divided the new employees, including her son, into groups and asked them to go out and solicit for clients who are expected to open end deposit appreciable cash in their accounts. Each group was given a target. Confirmation of appointment is predicated on your capability to meet your target. Remember, these are fresh graduates with no working experience.
The decision of the bank is unreasonable. They are fresh intakes who need guidance. If you expose them to the society with such high targets, they can out of desperation introduce all shades of characters to the bank and will be held responsible if anything untoward happens. Such an arrangement is stressful
In the same breath, companies that demand so much from their workers, but don't pay salaries that are commensurate with their contributions are putting their workers under stress.
Can stressful conditions be managed by smoking or drinking?
Temporarily! After smoking and drinking and the chemicals clear from their eyes, they will find the problem still waiting for them. Even if drinking and smoking makes the person sober, he is still, nonetheless, sitting on the problems. By smoking and drinking, you have only temporarily recharged yourself.
